56. How to Set Goals
With the start of the new year, many of us have been thinking about goals. What do we want to achieve this year? What do we want to focus on in our lives? Setting goals can be challenging, and often, we hold back from setting bigger, more exciting goals, because we believe they’re impossible.
But what if I told you there was a process you could use to help you set goals and achieve them? When it comes to setting a goal, there are several things that you should and should not be doing, so this week, I'm sharing them with you.
Join me this week to discover the exact process I use to set every goal that I work with. Goals aren’t always about doing more, sometimes they’re about doing less, so I’m sharing a goal that I have set myself this year and how I went about it and showing you how to use this process to set any goal in your life.
The waitlist for The Flow Collective is open, so click the link to get yourself on it and be the first to hear when the doors reopen.
If this episode has resonated with you, I’d love it if you could subscribe, rate and review the podcast. Your review will help other people find the show and benefit from what I share.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why you need to like your reasons for choosing your goal.
The place that you should be making goals from.
Why you should never place your emotional wellbeing on a goal and how to know if you are doing this.
How I know a goal is right for me and how you can determine if one is right for you.
Why a goal should make you feel vomity, and what that means.
Some filters I run my goals through when I set them to check they are coming from the right place.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
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Order my first book Period Power: Harness Your Hormones and Get Your Cycle Working For You
Full Episode Transcript:
If you are in the horrors with menstrual cycle issues or you want to learn how to harness your hormones, then you are in the right place.
Welcome to the Period Power podcast. I’m your host Maisie Hill menstrual health expert, acupuncturist, certified life coach and author of Period Power. I’m on a mission to help you get your cycle working for you so that you can use it to get what you want out of life. Are you ready? Let’s go.
Hello folks and welcome back. I know the podcast has been coming out every week, but it’s been a few weeks since I recorded an episode, so it feels like I am back especially because it’s day two of my cycle. My son went back to school today. I’m ready to be back. We’ve had an amazing time together over the holidays, but I’ve definitely got the sense that he’s ready to be back in school, back with his mates. And I’m ready to get down to work again.
I have been really able to switch my brain off from work whilst the holidays have been happening and I really wanted to do that because the next month or two are pretty big ones for me. So I’m patting myself on the back for resting up a bit. That being said I will say that work stuff still entered my brain because ideas and realisations are always coming to me. But the difference is that now I’m able to just let them be there.
I don’t feel this urgency to take action on them and do something about them. I can just trust them to still be there in a week’s time and that’s just so much more pleasant, I can’t tell you the difference. So how was your holidays? Did you get the balance right of time with others and time to yourself especially in relation to your cycle? So I ovulated just after Christmas. And on Christmas Eve we had two families that we’re really good friends with come over and have an amazing meal. And after that I was just less interested in others.
It’s like okay, I’ve had my fill now I’m ready to just have some time with Nelson and with Paul. And I took Nelson up to London to visit my brother and his family which was great. Because I have this niece and nephew that we’ve barely seen because of the pandemic. So I want to be more intentional about getting up there to see them. So here we are, I’m back at work and I’m also flying to the States for work later on this month or that’s the plan. We’ll see if it actually happens.
But my business coach, Stacey, hosts a live event at the start of each round of her mastermind which is just her group coaching programme for coaches. And we all get together. We work on our businesses. We spend a lot of time thinking about our clients and the problems that you face. And try to problem solve for them and helping you to get results, better results even quicker. So we also make decisions about our businesses and get coached.
And because doing all these things require you when you’re a coach, when you’re an entrepreneur to manage your mind at a really high level. So it’s a really amazing group to be a part of. It’s just the best thing ever. And I’ve never participated in person. The previous three that I’ve done have all been virtual attendance for me. I was meant to go to Mexico in August, but I cancelled it three days before because Mexico moved to the red list. So I was pretty devastated. So I’m really hoping that I get to the States especially because I’m a guest instructor for one of her small groups.
So I’m flying out a little bit early because I’ve got a full day of master coach training as well and then the mastermind. And I just know it’s going to be a really epic week. Every time I’ve done it, I’ve had huge transformations, personal ones. Last time I went just bawled my eyes out for 30 minutes whilst I got coached. It was very uncomfortable which is kind of the whole point. And it’s also where I’ve come up with some of my best ideas.
A lot of what happens in The Flow Collective, this podcast, it’s all stemmed from these events. So I’m very excited and it’s literally only day two of my cycle. So I’m going to have to pace myself to get through the month. So because I’ve been thinking about the mastermind and it also being the start of the year, I’ve been thinking a lot about goals. And they’ve been on my mind personally.
And then yesterday we had our start your year right workshop in The Flow Collective which is where I ask the member a series of questions. And they have time after each question to journal and write their answers. So we did it last year and the feedback we received was just ridiculous. So of course we had to do it again. It was one of those ideas that I have, I’m like, yeah, that’ll be helpful, that’ll be fun to do. And then we just get this avalanche of positive responses that blows me away. So that happened last year, and it happened again last night.
So I’ve actually already started planning what we’re going to do for next year. And it’s going to blow last night out of the water for sure. Is that the right phrase, out of the water, out of the park? I have no idea, but you know what I mean. And last night was really powerful for me as well because I answer the questions in real time as the members were also answering them. So I had some huge things come up for me. And there was this one question that I want to talk about with you all today.
And the question was about picking the goal for 2022. So that’s where we’re going today, we’re going to be talking about goals. I’d already asked them to come up with three goals for the year. And then this question was about picking the one, the one goal that they’re going to pick for the year. And I gave them some short guidance to help them determine theirs. But as I was kind of giving them that guidance my brain was simultaneously just lighting up because I realised this is a topic that’s really important, really helpful and I’ve got other things that I want to share about it.
So here we are today, I’m going to be expanding on this. And I know you love it when I share my process for how I go about doing things. So that’s what we’re doing. This is how I set every goal that I work with. So you can use this for any goal in your life, whether it’s personal, professional, it doesn’t matter. Are you ready? Here we go. Grab a pen and paper, you’re going to want to take notes. But we also have a transcript, just remember that. On my website we have a page for each episode and there’s always a full transcript there.
Okay, so the starting point for this is you just want to write a bunch of goals down, just get them all out, even the ones, the goals that you don’t think are possible right now, maybe ever. I would say especially those ones. You’re going to see why in a moment but at this stage you just want to have a buffet of goals to pick from. I would say a good amount to go with is 20 to 30 but here’s a sneaky tip. Make around half of them goals that you have already met. That way you’re bringing in an energy of it all being possible, that you’re someone who meets goals.
And then you’re going to pick one goal that will be your priority and here’s the conditions that I use when I’m determining my priority goal. It needs to be for you as in not a goal that is actually a measuring stick that you compare yourself against in a negative way or use as a stick to beat yourself with. And a lot of this is down to how you think about yourself and how you think about your goal, how you interact with having one. But basically you want to like the place that it’s coming from and like your reasons for picking it.
So is picking this goal coming from a place of sufficiency or is it coming from not good enough-ness? Do not make goals from not good enough-ness. Make them from loving yourself and from already being worthy, and wonderful, and enough already. So I’ll give you an example of this.
You could have a goal to build muscle this year. That’s a great goal. Firstly, it makes you stronger. It helps to support your skeleton when you have muscle, you really carry yourself differently. And I think that correlates to how you feel and how you go about life. And a lot of the exercises that build muscle usually also build bone density, which is important, because as we age, we’re prone to losing bone mass, particularly around menopause and in the decades that follow. So that leaves us open to osteoporosis and bone fractures.
So building muscle is a great goal for those reasons and loads more by the way. But if you’re doing it from a belief, from a place, from a thought that your body isn’t good enough, or that your body shape or size is unacceptable then you will have a very different experience with that goal.
So when I hear people talking about goals that are based on how their physical body looks or following a particular diet or exercise programme, I often get the sense that these are not goals that are for them. Because they’re all talking about getting to a certain weight, or body type, or size. So they use that against themselves the whole time and have a really shit time, even as they get results. And even if they reach the desired result, they’re still talking crap about themselves.
Now, it’s not that these things can’t be done in a way that’s for you, because they can, but most of the time they’re not. And they’re typically based upon a standardised idea of what a healthy body should look like. Now, I’m going to give you some examples of what a goal to do with your body would look like if it was for you. So as I’m sharing this, just notice if and how your body responds to what I’m saying as we compare these two types of goals.
So you might decide that your goal is to listen to your body and honour what it’s asking of you, whether that’s to move, to rest, to go to the toilet, to go to sleep. Your goal could be to enjoy moving your body. Just notice how different that it is to exercising every day or whatever a goal might be.
Or you could have a goal to support your energy level so that your baseline energy level is six, I’m just pulling numbers out of the air here. But let’s just say your baseline energy is six and then your energy varies between six and ten rather than maybe your baseline for energy is two and sometimes with caffeine you get up to five. Can you see how those goals are for you? There’s a big difference. Again, it’s not like the others can’t be for you.
Really it all comes down to is your thoughts and what’s behind you choosing to take this action. Is it coming from a loving place? And be really honest with yourself, especially when it comes to your body. Is it coming from a loving place or one where you’re criticising and finding fault with yourself? Similarly, you don’t want to place your emotional wellbeing on a goal.
You’ll know if you’re doing this if you believe that when you reach your goal you will feel a certain way. So when I reach my goal, I will feel successful, I’ll feel happy, I’ll feel secure, I’ll feel confident or some other emotion that you think is just going to magically arrive when you reach your goal and change you forever more. It doesn’t work like that.
All that happens when you reach a goal is that you realise you still have your brain. This is why so many people have a massive comedown after they reach a goal. They get there, they finally get there and they’re expecting to wake-up with a different brain. And it’s a shock to discover that all your same thoughts and feelings are still there. And this all relates to what I’ve been saying about goals often coming from thinking you’re not good enough in the first place.
So you expect that reaching your goal will suddenly make you think differently about yourself and that you are suddenly good enough. But no, if you’ve kept that thought and that’s what’s been behind it all, it’s still going to be there. I also recommend that you pick something that is a stretch for you, something that requires something of you, something that’s a challenge. I love picking goals that challenge my belief about what’s possible, they’re the most fun ones. And I know when I’ve found these ones because I hesitate to acknowledge them.
So during the exercise that we did yesterday I went to write down a goal for this year. But as I did so I negotiated with it to make it not as challenging. And that’s how I knew it was a goal for me to work with. And I actually can’t currently see how it’s possible to do it. My brain is like, what on earth are we doing here? This is not possible, there’s no way. But that feels really fun because it’s so ludicrous that we may as well just give it a go. When I say me, I’m like me and my brain.
It also makes me want to vomit a bit. I’ll be honest. So that’s also how I know a goal is for me. There’s an air of vomity excitement to it. And I was telling the members how I’ve just decided that vomity is an emotion. It’s really not. But being willing to experience feeling a bit vomity about goals is one of the reasons for my success. And one of my clients, Georgie was sharing over on Instagram that she’s decided it’s her word for the year. So I’m very excited to see what happens next for her.
I’m excited to see what happens next for all of you because I just believe in you as your coach. And I see myself as your coach whether you’re in The Flow Collective or not. If you’re listening to this podcast, then I coach you every week. I am your coach if you choose to see me that way. So I’m excited for all of my clients.
Now, when it comes to picking something that is a stretch, it’s not always about doing more. And it’s certainly not about pushing yourself. Sometimes it’s about doing less. That’s why my particular goal is very challenging because it’s about more and less at the same time. So my brain’s freaking out. So you could for instance repeat a goal that you’ve previously achieved.
You could have the same goal this year as you had last year but you might decide to do it in less time or with less stress. But that does genuinely mean doing less, it doesn’t mean cramming more into less time. So let me just run through what we’ve got so far. You’re going to write a load of goals down, make some of the goals ones you’ve already met. You’re going to pick a goal that’s for you. It’s for you. It’s coming from sufficiency and belief that you’re wonderful already. You’re not going to place your emotional wellbeing on a goal.
And you’re going to pick a goal that’s a stretch for you, something that feels impossible somehow. Now, the final filter that I like to run my goal through is does it take care of everything else. What’s the goal that takes care of some of the other goals? So if you want to spend more time with friends, if you want to start a new hobby or have more time for an existing one. If you want to learn a new skill, if you want to experience less stress in your life, or to exercise to the degree that feels good for your body.
What’s the one thing that will allow you to do all of those other things? I would guess that if you only work the hours you are contracted to work then that would allow you to do all of those other things. But the idea of that will sound impossible to a lot of you. If you’re already doing it, congratulations, you are in the minority. Well done. But if this doesn’t sound impossible to you then just go ahead and find an example of what does seem impossible to you. But here’s why I love this as a goal.
If you were to only work the hours that you’re contracted to do here are the things that I imagine you would need to do. You’d need to manage your mind about what other people might be thinking about you which is really just your thoughts about you. Because when you’re thinking that Steve thinks you’re being lazy or whatever, because you’re leaving on time, that’s really your thought, which is great because you can change your thoughts.
It’s far more valuable for you to change your thoughts about you than invest time in trying to change and manage Steve’s thoughts about you. Which I will also say, we don’t even know if Steve has those thoughts about you. Most of the time we don’t have evidence for this. We just think that someone else is thinking something about us. It’s really just how you think about you. You’ll also need to be boundaried with your time and honour it. You’ll need to honour your commitments at work and outside of it.
You need to manage your mind at work in order to get things done. You’ll have to manage your mind when you leave work and you’re at yoga or whatever it is you’re choosing to do so that you don’t spend the whole time you’re in your yoga class thinking about how you should really be at work and what other people at work are thinking about you because you’ve left to go to yoga. In actual fact it’s probably going to feel pretty shitty for a while, but glory is on the other side of it.
You might also come up against long held beliefs about productivity, about being lazy, being selfish, not being a team player etc, etc. So all that nonsense is going to come up. What will you make it mean if you ‘work less’? You’re not actually working less. You’re just leaving at the time you’re contracted to leave but your brain will tell you that you’re working less. And this could also result in you having conversations with your colleagues or your boss that you’d rather not have. So it might require you to step up.
So you could be thinking who would you need to become in order to leave your workplace at 6:00pm every day or whatever time you finish? Can you see how much growth there is in this one goal? It’s one simple goal but it involves so much growth, so much will need to change in order to meet this goal. It’s amazing, I love it. I’m literally sat here thinking I wish I worked in an office so I could do this.
So I am actually in the midst of this at the moment in my own way because I’m halfway through my master coach training with The Life Coach School which is basically advanced coach training. And we have a bunch of assignments to do every month. And at the start of December we all started our master coach projects. So we’ve all got completely different projects. But what they all have in common is that they have felt impossible to us. So I am in the thick of it right now with mine.
I am for sure in the messy middle where I want to back out of it and change my plan because it feels awkward and vomity. I’m like, maybe can I just change my project now even though I’m in the midst of it. So my project is to only do my job. And this is a substantial challenge for me. It felt impossible at the time. It’s starting to feel possible now. But it’s so hard for me because I’m so resourceful. It’s really easy for me to do things. I’ve built my business from the ground up, so I know the tech. I’m able to figure things out and get them done.
And that’s a strategy and a talent, an ability that’s really worked for me in the past but now it’s actually the thing that’s holding me back. So it felt impossible and a massive stretch for me but it’s also the one thing that takes care of everything else. Because to do this I have to do things on time and in advance so that I can do what is my job and then hand it over to the other members of my team so that they can do their job.
Rather than me kind of doing things last minute and thinking, well, I’ll just do all this other stuff and then they end up not doing their job because I’ve just done it anyway. So it means spending time planning things, spending a lot more time planning and making decisions. So my brain is just like, no, but we have to do things.
And I’m having to reframe my thoughts about planning because previously I think I had this belief that spending time planning things is procrastinating. And now I’m realising, no, it’s not at all, this is actually really essential that I spend a lot of time planning and making decisions. So although I’m really great at thinking far ahead, the detail between now and the far ahead is the part that I kind of – it’s not my strength, let’s say. So I also have to challenge the beliefs that I have about myself, including it’s not my strength that I just shared with you because that’s just a thought.
So other ones here is that I’m a last-minute Mary, that I’m disorganised, that I thrive with the pressure of a deadline and all these other long held stories about myself. I’m having to dismantle those and reframe my thoughts about myself. So this one goal, only doing my job also requires me to get better at delegating and communicating. I’m used to doing things on my own, for a long time it was just me and my business. So I’m learning what it’s like to have a small team.
And Paul, my partner says that everyone in my family are lone rangers, which cracks me up because it’s really true. So I’m also addressing my beliefs about my ability to work in a team and to lead a team. And to do that all in a way that also honours who I am and how my brain works as someone who’s autistic. So can you see how one simple goal, only do my job involves so much growth?
So I wrote my job description out as if I was going to hire someone for my role in my company. And that was the easiest part of this. After that it became a lot more challenging, not least because when my instructors approved the project, they gave me a very different timeline to the one that I had in my head. Because the project is due at the end of February, so I thought I’d have three months to get everything in place and then transition into being the CVO.
So I decided that I’m the Chief Visionary Officer. That’s far more me than the CEO which is Chief Executive Officer. That just doesn’t sound like me. So I’m the CVO, the Chief Visionary Officer. But when they approved it, they told me that it was effective as of December 6th. So instead of having three months I had five days to wrap my head around it and start going about being the CVO. So I just gave myself a day to freak out about it and to be like, “Oh my God, can you believe they’ve told me to do this.” And just kind of freaking out within myself and to the people who know me.
And I was really freaked out. I felt like, talk about vomity, I was very vomity that day. Then I spent two days self-coaching myself to become the CVO in that time. I gave myself two days. I coached myself for hours. And I grew so much in those two days. It was incredible. I am so glad that my coaches saw that in me. That’s one of the reasons why having a coach is so valuable. We see what you’re really capable of.
And it’s the same with my clients in The Flow Collective when I’m reading over their goals and plans. I’m like, “Of course you’re going to do that and a whole load more. If only you could see yourself as I see you.” And I’m just so grateful to my instructors for seeing that in me. So thank you, Bev, thank you, Lisa, I am going to keep you all updated as to how this goes. But just know that I am in the thick of it of working through this for myself. And I am having fun.
It is a lot of fun. It’s also really challenging but that’s the whole point, that’s what I wanted. And I just know that doing this project is going to change so much for me. And it is the thing that’s going to help me to reach the goals that I have.
Okay, so that’s it, that’s how I go about setting goals for myself. This was a really fun one to put together for you. I love setting goals. I’m moving towards them. And I hope that this has helped you to set yours, whatever it is. And I just thought, the final thing is, don’t judge your goal. Just let your goal be the goal, don’t judge it whatever it is. I would love to know what your goal is. So head over to Instagram and let me know what your one goal is for a year, there’s going to be a dedicated post.
And just know, whether we’ve had a conversation, whether you know me or not, whether you’re in The Flow Collective or not, I believe in you and I know you can meet this goal so go for it. Alright, I’ll be back next week, have a good one.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of the Period Power Podcast. If you enjoyed learning how to make your cycle work for you, head over to maisiehill.com for more.
Welcome to the Period Power podcast. I’m your host Maisie Hill menstrual health expert, acupuncturist, certified life coach and author of Period Power. I’m on a mission to help you get your cycle working for you so that you can use it to get what you want out of life. Are you ready? Let’s go.
Hello folks and welcome back. I know the podcast has been coming out every week, but it’s been a few weeks since I recorded an episode, so it feels like I am back especially because it’s day two of my cycle. My son went back to school today. I’m ready to be back. We’ve had an amazing time together over the holidays, but I’ve definitely got the sense that he’s ready to be back in school, back with his mates. And I’m ready to get down to work again.
I have been really able to switch my brain off from work whilst the holidays have been happening and I really wanted to do that because the next month or two are pretty big ones for me. So I’m patting myself on the back for resting up a bit. That being said I will say that work stuff still entered my brain because ideas and realisations are always coming to me. But the difference is that now I’m able to just let them be there.
I don’t feel this urgency to take action on them and do something about them. I can just trust them to still be there in a week’s time and that’s just so much more pleasant, I can’t tell you the difference. So how was your holidays? Did you get the balance right of time with others and time to yourself especially in relation to your cycle? So I ovulated just after Christmas. And on Christmas Eve we had two families that we’re really good friends with come over and have an amazing meal. And after that I was just less interested in others.
It’s like okay, I’ve had my fill now I’m ready to just have some time with Nelson and with Paul. And I took Nelson up to London to visit my brother and his family which was great. Because I have this niece and nephew that we’ve barely seen because of the pandemic. So I want to be more intentional about getting up there to see them. So here we are, I’m back at work and I’m also flying to the States for work later on this month or that’s the plan. We’ll see if it actually happens.
But my business coach, Stacey, hosts a live event at the start of each round of her mastermind which is just her group coaching programme for coaches. And we all get together. We work on our businesses. We spend a lot of time thinking about our clients and the problems that you face. And try to problem solve for them and helping you to get results, better results even quicker. So we also make decisions about our businesses and get coached.
And because doing all these things require you when you’re a coach, when you’re an entrepreneur to manage your mind at a really high level. So it’s a really amazing group to be a part of. It’s just the best thing ever. And I’ve never participated in person. The previous three that I’ve done have all been virtual attendance for me. I was meant to go to Mexico in August, but I cancelled it three days before because Mexico moved to the red list. So I was pretty devastated. So I’m really hoping that I get to the States especially because I’m a guest instructor for one of her small groups.
So I’m flying out a little bit early because I’ve got a full day of master coach training as well and then the mastermind. And I just know it’s going to be a really epic week. Every time I’ve done it, I’ve had huge transformations, personal ones. Last time I went just bawled my eyes out for 30 minutes whilst I got coached. It was very uncomfortable which is kind of the whole point. And it’s also where I’ve come up with some of my best ideas.
A lot of what happens in The Flow Collective, this podcast, it’s all stemmed from these events. So I’m very excited and it’s literally only day two of my cycle. So I’m going to have to pace myself to get through the month. So because I’ve been thinking about the mastermind and it also being the start of the year, I’ve been thinking a lot about goals. And they’ve been on my mind personally.
And then yesterday we had our start your year right workshop in The Flow Collective which is where I ask the member a series of questions. And they have time after each question to journal and write their answers. So we did it last year and the feedback we received was just ridiculous. So of course we had to do it again. It was one of those ideas that I have, I’m like, yeah, that’ll be helpful, that’ll be fun to do. And then we just get this avalanche of positive responses that blows me away. So that happened last year, and it happened again last night.
So I’ve actually already started planning what we’re going to do for next year. And it’s going to blow last night out of the water for sure. Is that the right phrase, out of the water, out of the park? I have no idea, but you know what I mean. And last night was really powerful for me as well because I answer the questions in real time as the members were also answering them. So I had some huge things come up for me. And there was this one question that I want to talk about with you all today.
And the question was about picking the goal for 2022. So that’s where we’re going today, we’re going to be talking about goals. I’d already asked them to come up with three goals for the year. And then this question was about picking the one, the one goal that they’re going to pick for the year. And I gave them some short guidance to help them determine theirs. But as I was kind of giving them that guidance my brain was simultaneously just lighting up because I realised this is a topic that’s really important, really helpful and I’ve got other things that I want to share about it.
So here we are today, I’m going to be expanding on this. And I know you love it when I share my process for how I go about doing things. So that’s what we’re doing. This is how I set every goal that I work with. So you can use this for any goal in your life, whether it’s personal, professional, it doesn’t matter. Are you ready? Here we go. Grab a pen and paper, you’re going to want to take notes. But we also have a transcript, just remember that. On my website we have a page for each episode and there’s always a full transcript there.
Okay, so the starting point for this is you just want to write a bunch of goals down, just get them all out, even the ones, the goals that you don’t think are possible right now, maybe ever. I would say especially those ones. You’re going to see why in a moment but at this stage you just want to have a buffet of goals to pick from. I would say a good amount to go with is 20 to 30 but here’s a sneaky tip. Make around half of them goals that you have already met. That way you’re bringing in an energy of it all being possible, that you’re someone who meets goals.
And then you’re going to pick one goal that will be your priority and here’s the conditions that I use when I’m determining my priority goal. It needs to be for you as in not a goal that is actually a measuring stick that you compare yourself against in a negative way or use as a stick to beat yourself with. And a lot of this is down to how you think about yourself and how you think about your goal, how you interact with having one. But basically you want to like the place that it’s coming from and like your reasons for picking it.
So is picking this goal coming from a place of sufficiency or is it coming from not good enough-ness? Do not make goals from not good enough-ness. Make them from loving yourself and from already being worthy, and wonderful, and enough already. So I’ll give you an example of this.
You could have a goal to build muscle this year. That’s a great goal. Firstly, it makes you stronger. It helps to support your skeleton when you have muscle, you really carry yourself differently. And I think that correlates to how you feel and how you go about life. And a lot of the exercises that build muscle usually also build bone density, which is important, because as we age, we’re prone to losing bone mass, particularly around menopause and in the decades that follow. So that leaves us open to osteoporosis and bone fractures.
So building muscle is a great goal for those reasons and loads more by the way. But if you’re doing it from a belief, from a place, from a thought that your body isn’t good enough, or that your body shape or size is unacceptable then you will have a very different experience with that goal.
So when I hear people talking about goals that are based on how their physical body looks or following a particular diet or exercise programme, I often get the sense that these are not goals that are for them. Because they’re all talking about getting to a certain weight, or body type, or size. So they use that against themselves the whole time and have a really shit time, even as they get results. And even if they reach the desired result, they’re still talking crap about themselves.
Now, it’s not that these things can’t be done in a way that’s for you, because they can, but most of the time they’re not. And they’re typically based upon a standardised idea of what a healthy body should look like. Now, I’m going to give you some examples of what a goal to do with your body would look like if it was for you. So as I’m sharing this, just notice if and how your body responds to what I’m saying as we compare these two types of goals.
So you might decide that your goal is to listen to your body and honour what it’s asking of you, whether that’s to move, to rest, to go to the toilet, to go to sleep. Your goal could be to enjoy moving your body. Just notice how different that it is to exercising every day or whatever a goal might be.
Or you could have a goal to support your energy level so that your baseline energy level is six, I’m just pulling numbers out of the air here. But let’s just say your baseline energy is six and then your energy varies between six and ten rather than maybe your baseline for energy is two and sometimes with caffeine you get up to five. Can you see how those goals are for you? There’s a big difference. Again, it’s not like the others can’t be for you.
Really it all comes down to is your thoughts and what’s behind you choosing to take this action. Is it coming from a loving place? And be really honest with yourself, especially when it comes to your body. Is it coming from a loving place or one where you’re criticising and finding fault with yourself? Similarly, you don’t want to place your emotional wellbeing on a goal.
You’ll know if you’re doing this if you believe that when you reach your goal you will feel a certain way. So when I reach my goal, I will feel successful, I’ll feel happy, I’ll feel secure, I’ll feel confident or some other emotion that you think is just going to magically arrive when you reach your goal and change you forever more. It doesn’t work like that.
All that happens when you reach a goal is that you realise you still have your brain. This is why so many people have a massive comedown after they reach a goal. They get there, they finally get there and they’re expecting to wake-up with a different brain. And it’s a shock to discover that all your same thoughts and feelings are still there. And this all relates to what I’ve been saying about goals often coming from thinking you’re not good enough in the first place.
So you expect that reaching your goal will suddenly make you think differently about yourself and that you are suddenly good enough. But no, if you’ve kept that thought and that’s what’s been behind it all, it’s still going to be there. I also recommend that you pick something that is a stretch for you, something that requires something of you, something that’s a challenge. I love picking goals that challenge my belief about what’s possible, they’re the most fun ones. And I know when I’ve found these ones because I hesitate to acknowledge them.
So during the exercise that we did yesterday I went to write down a goal for this year. But as I did so I negotiated with it to make it not as challenging. And that’s how I knew it was a goal for me to work with. And I actually can’t currently see how it’s possible to do it. My brain is like, what on earth are we doing here? This is not possible, there’s no way. But that feels really fun because it’s so ludicrous that we may as well just give it a go. When I say me, I’m like me and my brain.
It also makes me want to vomit a bit. I’ll be honest. So that’s also how I know a goal is for me. There’s an air of vomity excitement to it. And I was telling the members how I’ve just decided that vomity is an emotion. It’s really not. But being willing to experience feeling a bit vomity about goals is one of the reasons for my success. And one of my clients, Georgie was sharing over on Instagram that she’s decided it’s her word for the year. So I’m very excited to see what happens next for her.
I’m excited to see what happens next for all of you because I just believe in you as your coach. And I see myself as your coach whether you’re in The Flow Collective or not. If you’re listening to this podcast, then I coach you every week. I am your coach if you choose to see me that way. So I’m excited for all of my clients.
Now, when it comes to picking something that is a stretch, it’s not always about doing more. And it’s certainly not about pushing yourself. Sometimes it’s about doing less. That’s why my particular goal is very challenging because it’s about more and less at the same time. So my brain’s freaking out. So you could for instance repeat a goal that you’ve previously achieved.
You could have the same goal this year as you had last year but you might decide to do it in less time or with less stress. But that does genuinely mean doing less, it doesn’t mean cramming more into less time. So let me just run through what we’ve got so far. You’re going to write a load of goals down, make some of the goals ones you’ve already met. You’re going to pick a goal that’s for you. It’s for you. It’s coming from sufficiency and belief that you’re wonderful already. You’re not going to place your emotional wellbeing on a goal.
And you’re going to pick a goal that’s a stretch for you, something that feels impossible somehow. Now, the final filter that I like to run my goal through is does it take care of everything else. What’s the goal that takes care of some of the other goals? So if you want to spend more time with friends, if you want to start a new hobby or have more time for an existing one. If you want to learn a new skill, if you want to experience less stress in your life, or to exercise to the degree that feels good for your body.
What’s the one thing that will allow you to do all of those other things? I would guess that if you only work the hours you are contracted to work then that would allow you to do all of those other things. But the idea of that will sound impossible to a lot of you. If you’re already doing it, congratulations, you are in the minority. Well done. But if this doesn’t sound impossible to you then just go ahead and find an example of what does seem impossible to you. But here’s why I love this as a goal.
If you were to only work the hours that you’re contracted to do here are the things that I imagine you would need to do. You’d need to manage your mind about what other people might be thinking about you which is really just your thoughts about you. Because when you’re thinking that Steve thinks you’re being lazy or whatever, because you’re leaving on time, that’s really your thought, which is great because you can change your thoughts.
It’s far more valuable for you to change your thoughts about you than invest time in trying to change and manage Steve’s thoughts about you. Which I will also say, we don’t even know if Steve has those thoughts about you. Most of the time we don’t have evidence for this. We just think that someone else is thinking something about us. It’s really just how you think about you. You’ll also need to be boundaried with your time and honour it. You’ll need to honour your commitments at work and outside of it.
You need to manage your mind at work in order to get things done. You’ll have to manage your mind when you leave work and you’re at yoga or whatever it is you’re choosing to do so that you don’t spend the whole time you’re in your yoga class thinking about how you should really be at work and what other people at work are thinking about you because you’ve left to go to yoga. In actual fact it’s probably going to feel pretty shitty for a while, but glory is on the other side of it.
You might also come up against long held beliefs about productivity, about being lazy, being selfish, not being a team player etc, etc. So all that nonsense is going to come up. What will you make it mean if you ‘work less’? You’re not actually working less. You’re just leaving at the time you’re contracted to leave but your brain will tell you that you’re working less. And this could also result in you having conversations with your colleagues or your boss that you’d rather not have. So it might require you to step up.
So you could be thinking who would you need to become in order to leave your workplace at 6:00pm every day or whatever time you finish? Can you see how much growth there is in this one goal? It’s one simple goal but it involves so much growth, so much will need to change in order to meet this goal. It’s amazing, I love it. I’m literally sat here thinking I wish I worked in an office so I could do this.
So I am actually in the midst of this at the moment in my own way because I’m halfway through my master coach training with The Life Coach School which is basically advanced coach training. And we have a bunch of assignments to do every month. And at the start of December we all started our master coach projects. So we’ve all got completely different projects. But what they all have in common is that they have felt impossible to us. So I am in the thick of it right now with mine.
I am for sure in the messy middle where I want to back out of it and change my plan because it feels awkward and vomity. I’m like, maybe can I just change my project now even though I’m in the midst of it. So my project is to only do my job. And this is a substantial challenge for me. It felt impossible at the time. It’s starting to feel possible now. But it’s so hard for me because I’m so resourceful. It’s really easy for me to do things. I’ve built my business from the ground up, so I know the tech. I’m able to figure things out and get them done.
And that’s a strategy and a talent, an ability that’s really worked for me in the past but now it’s actually the thing that’s holding me back. So it felt impossible and a massive stretch for me but it’s also the one thing that takes care of everything else. Because to do this I have to do things on time and in advance so that I can do what is my job and then hand it over to the other members of my team so that they can do their job.
Rather than me kind of doing things last minute and thinking, well, I’ll just do all this other stuff and then they end up not doing their job because I’ve just done it anyway. So it means spending time planning things, spending a lot more time planning and making decisions. So my brain is just like, no, but we have to do things.
And I’m having to reframe my thoughts about planning because previously I think I had this belief that spending time planning things is procrastinating. And now I’m realising, no, it’s not at all, this is actually really essential that I spend a lot of time planning and making decisions. So although I’m really great at thinking far ahead, the detail between now and the far ahead is the part that I kind of – it’s not my strength, let’s say. So I also have to challenge the beliefs that I have about myself, including it’s not my strength that I just shared with you because that’s just a thought.
So other ones here is that I’m a last-minute Mary, that I’m disorganised, that I thrive with the pressure of a deadline and all these other long held stories about myself. I’m having to dismantle those and reframe my thoughts about myself. So this one goal, only doing my job also requires me to get better at delegating and communicating. I’m used to doing things on my own, for a long time it was just me and my business. So I’m learning what it’s like to have a small team.
And Paul, my partner says that everyone in my family are lone rangers, which cracks me up because it’s really true. So I’m also addressing my beliefs about my ability to work in a team and to lead a team. And to do that all in a way that also honours who I am and how my brain works as someone who’s autistic. So can you see how one simple goal, only do my job involves so much growth?
So I wrote my job description out as if I was going to hire someone for my role in my company. And that was the easiest part of this. After that it became a lot more challenging, not least because when my instructors approved the project, they gave me a very different timeline to the one that I had in my head. Because the project is due at the end of February, so I thought I’d have three months to get everything in place and then transition into being the CVO.
So I decided that I’m the Chief Visionary Officer. That’s far more me than the CEO which is Chief Executive Officer. That just doesn’t sound like me. So I’m the CVO, the Chief Visionary Officer. But when they approved it, they told me that it was effective as of December 6th. So instead of having three months I had five days to wrap my head around it and start going about being the CVO. So I just gave myself a day to freak out about it and to be like, “Oh my God, can you believe they’ve told me to do this.” And just kind of freaking out within myself and to the people who know me.
And I was really freaked out. I felt like, talk about vomity, I was very vomity that day. Then I spent two days self-coaching myself to become the CVO in that time. I gave myself two days. I coached myself for hours. And I grew so much in those two days. It was incredible. I am so glad that my coaches saw that in me. That’s one of the reasons why having a coach is so valuable. We see what you’re really capable of.
And it’s the same with my clients in The Flow Collective when I’m reading over their goals and plans. I’m like, “Of course you’re going to do that and a whole load more. If only you could see yourself as I see you.” And I’m just so grateful to my instructors for seeing that in me. So thank you, Bev, thank you, Lisa, I am going to keep you all updated as to how this goes. But just know that I am in the thick of it of working through this for myself. And I am having fun.
It is a lot of fun. It’s also really challenging but that’s the whole point, that’s what I wanted. And I just know that doing this project is going to change so much for me. And it is the thing that’s going to help me to reach the goals that I have.
Okay, so that’s it, that’s how I go about setting goals for myself. This was a really fun one to put together for you. I love setting goals. I’m moving towards them. And I hope that this has helped you to set yours, whatever it is. And I just thought, the final thing is, don’t judge your goal. Just let your goal be the goal, don’t judge it whatever it is. I would love to know what your goal is. So head over to Instagram and let me know what your one goal is for a year, there’s going to be a dedicated post.
And just know, whether we’ve had a conversation, whether you know me or not, whether you’re in The Flow Collective or not, I believe in you and I know you can meet this goal so go for it. Alright, I’ll be back next week, have a good one.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of the Period Power Podcast. If you enjoyed learning how to make your cycle work for you, head over to maisiehill.com for more.
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